i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
