I smell stomach acid.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
wow bdsm is so cute
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