omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
