i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
