so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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