A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
