it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
