I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
