i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
