So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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