nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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