Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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