Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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