did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
