I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
