Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
