i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
even my farts smell like vagina
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
