well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize