wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I need to sanitize my soul.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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