i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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