I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
