Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
