Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
