"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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