You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize