Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
zippers are such a cool invention
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
