I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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