I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
