I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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