Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
