Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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