you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
