So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
