I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
