There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
