we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize