we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
