I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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