A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
There r osticjed everywhere
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize