i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
