id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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