I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
