She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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