He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
