I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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