I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
