Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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