there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I am one with the molecules
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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