Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize