The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
