things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
