I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
