I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
we're making bets on your personal life
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
