I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
