The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
