i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
