Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
