and you said cock pushups were impossible
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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