I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
