I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
