my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
