just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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