I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
