Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
