Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
