bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
