You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
