I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
