chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he puts the penis in happiness.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
