I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
