I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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