take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize