I cockslap morals
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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